Phantasmagoria

I always said to my self that,"We never know what would happen next. For the next 5 seconds or either 5 minutes." Who knows a two person that used to be walking side by side, now has been separate to different path. And now they're having their own life and act like these past years is nothing but an illusion.
The love they said is illusion. The passion they had is confusion.
Every kiss, hug and laugh is a manipulation, just to support the whole definiton of love in general.
Every heartache isn't worth, every tears is a waste of time.
It was all nothing, i might say.


An empty hearts for months, after the long lost kiss and the warmth of the hug has gone. The flame had long outages. Only cold remains.. Cold chemistry made frozen heart.. and getting colder till it's freezing. And no one notice.
They're all now blind. No, they can't see which love and remark that all the chemistry was gone.
They're just dancing in their beautiful phantasmagoria of the kind of affair that they want.


Pathetic. I might add.


But auspiciously, it didn't waste another years for them to realize that, this is not right.
If they force to go with it, and let's say finally they tie the knot. I don't think its gonna be a great time to through.

Now after the detachment.. they seems able to attain what they didn't achieved while they're both still together. No more inner preassure. No more hidden faux pas in a broader sense.
Every little things look easier now, world doesn't look too tight either.

To could breathe freely without any emphasis is a good thing, isn't it?
If anyone of you ever get into this situation and feel relieved after its all happened, be blessed..
Because now you're become a tougher person than you were before.
You're heart now is far from fragile and that's just another phase of self bulid up.

She's happy now. And I wish.. vice versa

0.01% lesson about life, for the rest? Just live with it .

Time is ticking. Days, months, years, will pass. Life will leave you behind its doesnt care weather you fall and hurt, or your heart is broken into pieces. Life doesnt give a fuck for what you feel.
It's you who need to help yourself. No, either if you trust someone as your guidance, you still cant hang yourself on them.
If you didnt cure your wound by yourself, if you didnt lift your head up when you down, if you just sit and watch whats around you, and wondering as if you born as someone else and start hate your life.

Congratulation. You just waste your precious moment as a living person.


Before your time wandering on Earth has reach its end, which is we never know when. Do as much as you could do. Laugh as much you can afford. Be spontaneous. Shut your ears, but oper your eyes wider. Be wise. Make your ideas --even the crazy one come true. Dont get jealous, everyone is unique on their own way and so are you. Forgive someone easily, i didnt suggest you to forget it just like that but you know, make it as a precious lesson, put it on a rap sheet portofolio, and when you need it you can remember it again for good not for giving them a revenge. Love your lover, tell 'em you love them, then passionately kiss 'em. Have Fun.

If you can see life as a huge playground or as big carnaval. You would never bored and appreciate your life even more.

It's gon be thrilling your heart

i am a movie eater. i always love to watch movie, any genres of them either romance, thriller, horror whatever.
But now, i'm about to give you movie list which make my tears run down like Niagara Falls even heavier then the waterfall it self. i'm not gonna spoil the whole story no. Let you guys looking or perhaps download the movie then watch it by yourself



1. Hello Ghost
2. The Bucket List
3. A Moment To Remember

4. The Pianist
5. Eight Below
6. Harry Potter and The Deathly Hollows: Part 2

7. The Kite Runner
8. Hachiko (I suggest you to watch the Japanese version. Andy why i put this fenomenal dog story on the last number of list? Because i watched the American version of Hachiko, where Richard Gere was a major distractor from the movie itself :p)

paint paint paint

Got nothing to do, today. So i'm doing this, paint my hand and leave a print on my tank top. Kidnapped my lil nephew, asking help from my cousin. I missed having a photoshoot with my girls.
Ladies... I'm lacking of great picture here. Will us get any chances to have photoshoot? Some day?

How'd I love to see my hands covered with paint <3

Sucksbject

My life lately.. Hmm, i don't know how to describe it. i've been brainstorming for all this time. i've been thinking a lot, about every thing. Which i had passed or which i haven't. zillion plan that i have for this year.

but i'm highly doubt that i could do all the things that i want to do. i just don't know whether i'm capable of doing that or not. and i can't mention why. i just don't know. everything seems so, @#$#% up.

i'm not gonna say fml. because everybody have shitty stuff on their own life and i'm not alone. but this thing.. um, no thing.. this subject is a major FUCK. sorry i curse.

this subject were the reason why my head spin, the reason why i want to be a killer, the reason why i want to bang my head onto wall, the reason why i'm willing to be volunteer if someone wants to shot person on the head, the reason why.... being FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR away from this subject is a gift and wonderful thing to do

i hate this subject.
this subject is the major intention why'd i want to run.
hah now i don't know why i typed this pointless post

oh fuck, whatever

So this is the Gif that they're made for me. My face there? Fail.

I am one year older. Yesterday was my annual event, called birthday. Haha. Got super touched by my besties, who made me Gif then changed their Display Picture on BBM but still ignored me when I say thank you for billion times. Thank you so much people for the birthday greetings on Twitter, BBM or SMS :) It means a lot!
Spending my time with him at home. Actually yesterday was quite like a dream, because I just arrived from my trip to Bali on 5 in the morning. So, to be honest yesterday I'm a bit skip :p

And now a day away my annual event. Reality bites me. Sometimes problem made you not who you are. You will say things that hurt other feelings, but you don't feel sorry. Someone will say you're a posessive bitch, and you will just walk away. You're hurt. But people won't care, even the closest one, wont notice that you're beyond broken that he know or expect. Because, he have his own problem too.
You feel lost. And you don't know where to hang. Cause someone you used to try, just not like the same anymore. And when he's not the one who wants to get rid of you, but your parents also, you try not to cry. You try so hard, that people might think that you're damn tough. In fact you're not.
People change into someone they said they'll never be. Life goes up and down. Reality is a bitch and you, seems to have to stand up alone.

For one more day

That was a book that I just finished read it. I'm going to leak it a little.
The story was quite simple about a guy named Charles Benetto. He lived in Pepperville Beach. He was on the edge of his ruined life. His wife were gone, his daughter didn't invite him to her wedding party because her daughter afraid if Charles showed up, he will causing a trouble due to his bad depressed temper and drunken habit. So, yeah... His life were totally screwed. He didn't came home, he went from bar to bar. For one beer and another, till his drunk. He decided to go to his old house, where he lived with his Mother and his Roberta. The house where he grown up. He is drunk when he drove miles to his old Pepperville Beach, so he didn't notice when he miss the right way to Pepperville. He made sudden turn to the right direction, when the accident happen.

The car was torn from the highway. But he miraculously still alive. He try to stood up his feet, and not far from him, he saw the familiar water tower of Pepperville Beach. He walked on the street toward his old house. He arrived then he entered the house, it seems someone were lived there... And then he heard the voice of his departed Mother called his name,"Charley..."
Yes, in an odd way. He got opportunity to spend one more whole day with his departed Mother that had died already 8 years ago.

The plot were back and forth.
The part from this book that I love are the story list from,"Times my mother stood for me." and "Times i did not stood for my mother." I realized that I do things that hurt my mothers too as a child, I'm not a Mama's girl or even Daddy's girl. I more comfort with my own without depend too much on both of them. But that list couldn't stop made me think about the time my mother stood for me and when I was always made her furious of me.
'Kay, before I spread another story of mine or even wrote all the story from Mitch Albom's book. I suggest you to grab this book fast, because it is surely a wonderful book.

"Now you know how badly someone wanted you, Charley. Children forget that sometimes. They think of themselves as a burden instead of a wish granted." //Posey Benetto,Pg.42

Predatlikk...

With the photographer, My Lil Tiny :)

Today I'm having photoshoot with both of my best girls. Prilia and Datin. We took all the photo at Prilia's living room and backyard.
We play with colours. We took gazillion of picture. There's one and two problem, we lost all of our first picture, we're three like,"Oh, Man." "Oh, well.." and the second, it took hard effort to remove the eye shadow.
Then we start all over again with different theme.
I'm gonna show you several of them.

Chocolate & Cigarettes

This is a beautiful song. And this song can't make me stop saying,"Damn this is so me." whenever I listen to this song, which means a zillion times. I know every people ever trap in situation where they should choose a path for their life. To be honest, I'm not a LDR person. I ever done it once, leave him for 2 months and that's it. I don't want to do that anymore. If i have to go overseas. I want him to come with me.


And all that I can think about is you//
Still too young to fail/to scared to sail away/But one of these days Ill grow old/And Ill grow brave and Ill go/One of these days.

V.

I see my self on the mirror when I realized that I have the same hair as V on V for Vendetta. Then I have an idea to make the Guy Fawkes mask. Because I'm fallin love with that mask since the first time I saw it on movie. I love the movie as much as I love the mask, V and Natalie Portman.



"..And ideas are bulletproof" -V to Mr.Creedy.

What I wish for..

I'm going to write all my birthday present wishes list down. I know that my birthday stil 5 months ahead, but what's so wrong from having a wish list, right?

1. Computer Drawing Pad.

2. Complete drawing tools. I already have 24 colours MapED Color Peps, 24 colours Snowman, but I still want more than that. I need canvas, I need palette, I need oil paint, I need brush. The thing is, I need to compliting my drawing tools.

3. Glee, and GGS3 dvds.

4. New heels.

5. Book shooping.

6. Surprise.

7. Upgrading my PC to something worth for my drawing pad.

8. Present from my French Teacher. Sebbie!! If you read this you should give me a wonderful present. Remember, my birthday on 11 July :oP

9. I want my ninth letter of the alphabeth. The ninth letter of the alphabeth followed by the thirteenth letter, the first letter ends with the tirteenth letter of the alphabeth. You know who you are, love.

DONE!

Now playing: Please, please, please let me get what I want // She&Him o:)

Another plagiarism

First of all, maybe if you read this and my latest post. I always talking about; Piracy or Plagiarism. Because I currently find out my art thru word, and my idea thru the anniversary gift are being followed. I don't mind, really.

But, the problem is..

That was my gift, to my dearest one. In our first anniversary where he gave me ring. (click here to see the post)
Call me selfish but I don't want anyone has the same anniversary gift that I gave to him.
Because I'm thinking about this by myself, I'm not seeing anyone ever make this for anniversary, so I made it.
I made it so it would has special meaning while he recieved it. Knowing that he was the only one who have that for anniversary.
I don't know on the other side of world maybe someone do it too, but at least, he will feel special that the Rubik's was purely his Girlfriend idea without copying, or inspired by anyone but their own love.

And about few of my post that I caught being copied.
I wrote letter to God (click here), and post that I wrote to describe the sweet different thing that happen in my birthday night between Me and My birthday surprise, and my great fellow with her Ex's --But now become her Boyf again already-- (click here).



I mean by that,
I'm a sensitive person, a touchy and easy hurt one.
Every post that I wrote based on everything that happened in my life.
Even the past, present, or my future. So there's a true story behind every post. And I don't want anyone re-wrote it without any of my permission.


So, once again. Repeating my words on Piracy post, "I tell you what? Everything is easy to find these days, Don't mess up with copyright cause it's easy to track"



Goodnight, Imitator.

Piracy.

Tonight, like always, I'm having quite trouble of sleeping. So I decided to searching my tweets via Twitter.
In case someone copying my tweet. I thought there's no one will copying exactly as what I tweet, cause who the hell am I? I am nobody.

But in fact, I found one name.

At first I think, maybe this is just a coincidence that we had the same tweet. But when I opened her account. I'm terribly in shock attack. She has EXACTLY the same tweet with mine. And there's several tweet that have an alteration here and there, but I still notice that's my tweet cause I WROTE IT by my self.

Sorry if this post seems too emotional, because I am. I am mad. Everytime I retweeted other tweet, I always giving their watermark because I appreciate others creation. I will never gonna do such thing.
Cause I know what they gonna feel if someone steal their idea. I could call it stealing, didn't I?

I have proof, I've even talk to her in private but she refuse that she ever know what my Twitter is, so, okay then :) In fact I feel flattered someone dying to be like me through their word using MY word.
Na ah, I'm not gonna tell who she is here. Or gonna post the corroboration that I've get caught. Let me keep it for my self :D


For anyone out there, I tell you what? Everything is easy to find these days, Don't mess up with copyright cause it's easy to track ;)

you&me



i know this is not good, but at least i try.
Taken from my odopod's:Ladygoldilcoks.

Sometimes when I sit in front of my blank loose leaf with pencil and eraser. I feel like I could draw anything I like. I'd be able to pour down my imagination into a drawing.
My best friend ever told me,'If you could draw something in your imagination. Just go with it. Then, you could draw anything you want.'

But sometimes you know, I'm just losing it.
Maybe I'm the most inconsistent and easily distracted person ever. One little goof could destroy the entire kingdom of my good mood. And screw everything what crossing my mind and tenet for doing it.
That's what I hate from my self. I'm easily distracted.

Like now. While I'm writing this post.
Before I write those first sentence, I feel like,'I could write everything that been running over my brain now'
but then, now I'm stuck.
Stuck expressed what I want to convey. And I hate it. Really.

Flashmob Indonesia

I know about this event abide in our lovely Indonesia lately. I ever heard about Flashmob that held in other states but ours. So when I know that Flashmob started to penetrated Indonesian people and we do have the community of it. I decided to string along with it.

10.10.10

That was the date where we set to show up in pirouette Bunderan HI area, near Bus Shelter Tosari, Menara Exim - Menara BCA. over a thousand of people include the first biggest mob in Indonesia.
We deliberated it in consort with World Walking Day and Car Free Day at Bunderan HI to transmit their day with our smolder vigor.

After 1 day rehearsal and 1 aggregate GR. We ready to surprise the city!
And this is the video, I got it on You Tube from: MizoneFlashmob official video for 101010 event

ps: You can't find even the piece of me cause I'm in the middle of the crowd :p

Enjoy the video guys, I'll update it soon if I found the clearer video :) And wait for me and my boyfriend project soon, and I do need a comment for it!


SEE YA!! Xx

Cook.

If Po says that he eat when he's upset. Then I.. I'm not eat, but I cooked when I'm bored.


I don't know, why'd I love to scramble the egg, cut the chilli, chopped the onions, add the butter to frying pan, sprinkled the pepper above the egg. A lot a lots of pepper, cause just so you know I deep in love with pepper and chesse!!
Any kind of food, if it's with pepper and chesse. They'll gonna be a yummy meal :9
and after I stir it, voila! there goes the scramble egg. Then I'll prepare the roasted bread. BON APPETIT!!

Or maybe you want me to cooked pasta for you? Or chicken katsu? Chicken teriyaki? Bells pepper chicken? You name it, as long as you have all the ingredients. I'll cooked it for you ;) #lol just kidding, I still improve my cooking skill from my mom and from (call me ridiculous) Dae Jang Geum, The Jewel in The Palace main character :p I adore her so bad.


A few days ago, my house overwhelmed of prawns supply.
My mom ever made the Broccoli Creme-Prawn on her birthday, and it taste... HEAVEN!!!

This is the last dishes of piece of heaven

Afterwards, I'm addicted to it, Not just me! My boyfie either.
Then I started to cooked the prawns with another ingredients, I recently made Prawn-Mushroom Penne Creme & this noon (cause the massive headache so I'm not fasting) I fried Mushroom and Prawn covered with the seasoning flour. I haven't name it, and I have no idea what to name it :p

Prawn-Mushroom Penne Creme


The no name Mushroom-Prawn fried :p

I loved to cook fro someone else. I love to see their face when they eat what I cook. Their priceless expression even maybe my cook are not that tasty yet. Cause I still improve it. But it makes me skittish in a good way :)

Like Garrison Keillor says,"Sex is good, but not as good as fresh, sweet corn." HAHAHA
Happy happy cooking fellas. Xx

He create all of this stuff... So...

When you're down, that was the time God being with you.
He whispered to you, that you should remember that He always there by your side. And he'll help you with His own way.

When you're up, it's when God let you to feel how magnanimous He were.
To give you everything in life. To show you how the beautiful and joyful life means.
But don't be so surprise, when suddenly God took it all from the root of your happiness. Cause He own this.

He owns your sadness. He owns your madness. And He owns your happiness.




So whenever you down, whenever you sad. Don't worry cause God lead the way.
He'll show you the way with His own way. All you have to do is just hope and pray. Believe in faith that God'll help you no matter who you are.




Yes, I hold on to those words.
I. Trust. You. God.
Amien.

Dibalik Topeng Jakarta

Ini mungkin bukan kapasitas gue buat berbicara soal ini, tapi gue cuma mau membagi apa yang sudah seringkali gue lihat, tapi baru ini yang benar-benar menampar diri gue. Kalian semua pasti juga sering lihat kok apa yang gue lihat! Pemandangan ini banyak. Bertebaran diantara gedung-gedung yang makin memadati Ibukota..
Tapi kali ini entah kenapa berbeda buat gue, sangat berbeda. Sampe gue berani menulis ini semua,


Hari ini gue ke Paramadina pake Bis. Yah, kalau taksi terus, mobil lagi. Ehemm, kapan gue belajarnya? Sebentar lagi gue jadi anak kos. Jelas gue harus tahu soal yang beginian, kalau gue naik taksi terus, bisa habis duit gue buat transportasi doang.
Baliknya, gue tetep naik Bis sama Ibu gue yang kayaknya tahu banget seluk beluk Jakarta. Gue tanya apa aja, bisa dijawab sama dia. Bis gue berhenti sebentar di deket FO De Brasco. Yah... Kayak bis pada umumnya lah, PASTI ada pengamen.

Gue lihat, anak perempuan sekitar umur 4 tahun membawa amplop putih untuk di bagi-bagikan, ia bersama kakaknya.

Mulailah kakaknya bernyanyi. Gue nggak tau judulnya, tapi familiar di telinga gue. Suaranya nggak bagus, kalau boleh jujur. Tapi gue malah sedih dengernya, gue langsung kebayang sama kehidupan gue sendiri. Gue bayangin kehidupan orang orang yang gue kenal, yang pastinya berbanding terbalik sama kehidupan yang mereka jalanin.
Tiba-tiba suara lain yang lebih cempreng dan nggak jelas artikulasi katanya mulai bernyanyi, melanjutkan lirik sang kakak. Ternyata si kecil. Teriak-teriak entah dia tahu arti yang dia nyanyikan atau enggak, yang dia tahu, dia harus bernyanyi untuk mendapatkan (kalau dapat) 500 rupiah, tergantung kebaikan hati yang ngasih.

Gue coba inget gimana hidup gue waktu kecil. Waktu seumur anak itu.

Seinget gue, dan seperti yang gue lihat di foto. Gue bahagia. Mungkin kalian juga sama, bahagia. Walaupun mungkin pernah terselip kesedihan, tapi kita nggak harus bernyanyi di tengah bis kota seperti itu. Anak itu pasti mau baju bagus. Dia pasti mau Barbie. Dia pasti mau apa yang dulu waktu kecil kita pernah mau. Tapi mungkin, dia nggak pernah terfikir mau itu semua, karena dia nggak pernah tahu.

Allah Maha Adil. Kita semua sama dimatanya. Hanya memang rezeki kita yang porsi-nya berbeda beda.

Selesai bernyanyi, mereka turun. Duduk nggak jauh dari bis gue yang masih doyan ngetem disitu. Gue bener-bener nggak bisa untuk nggak memperhatikan mereka berdua. Kakaknya, mungkin seumuran gue. Cewek. Sibuk ngeluarin uang dari amplop. Saat amplop terakhir dibuka, ia menghela napas kecewa. Bener-bener terlihat jelas di wajahnya kalau apa yang dia dapat hari ini masih kurang untuk segera pulang dan istirahat.

Tiba-tiba si kecil terlihat merengek, kalo nggak salah baca bibir. Dia bilang dia haus.. Kakaknya dengan agak kasar mengambil uang 500an dari tas yang dibwa adiknya. Hemm.. Lagi lagi gue mikir, buat gue kadang kalo ada kembalian 500 nggak gue ambil. Gue biarkan aja di kasir atau dimana tempat gue beli. Tapi kayaknya bagi kakak tadi, 500 rupiah yang diminta adiknya untuk beli Aqua gelas, nampaknya sangat berharga sekali sampai ia bersikap agak kasar.


Gue lihat si kecil langsung berjalan membeli minum. Bis gue bergerak, sekarang ada di depan mereka. Si kecil sudah kembali duduk di samping kakaknya. Gue perhatiin Aqua gelas yang kecil ditangan gue, terlihat besaaar sekali di tangan dia.

Gue jadi inget, suatu sore. Saat gue dan pacar gue baru pulang jalan-jalan. Seperti biasa kita bercanda-canda sepanjang jalan, tertawa menikmati setiap detik yang ada. Setiap detik berharga saat gue sama dia. Sekarang kita menuju rumah gue, lewat RTM. Di depan sebuah rumah makan. Di sela-sela tawa kita yang membahana sampai lagu di IPod nggak kedengeran, mendadak semua sunyi... Ternyata gue dan dia menyadari hal yang sama, melihat hal yang sama. Seorang bencong, dengan make up yang sudah nggak jelas lagi bagaimana tadinya. Mengelap kening sambil memeluk alat musiknya dan berjalan keluar dari pelataran parkir restoran. Wajahnya benar-benar lelah. Setelah itu, gue nggak tertawa lagi.

Gue masih ingat jelas bagaimana wajahnya. Wajah anak kecil itu. Semua wajah yang pernah gue lihat, nggak gue foto pakai kamera. Tapi gue foto di otak gue.

Kalau gue punya uang banyak, rasanya gue ingin sekali membantu mereka. Apapun yang bisa gue bantu, akan gue kasih untuk mereka. Tapi sayang, gue sendiri pun hidup masih numpang sama orang tua. Tapi gue yakin, gue sedang dalam perjalanan gue untuk membahagiakan orang tua gue, lalu gue bisa melakukan apa yang ingin gue lakukan.


Apa yang gue lihat kali ini benar-benar menampar gue. Karena gue kadang masih suka mengeluh tentang hidup gue. Mungkin gue terlalu sibuk melihat keatas sehingga kepala gue pusing dan leher gue pegel. Tapi gue kadang lupa melihat kebawah, kehidupan lain yang bagaikan bumi dan langit di wajah cantik Jakarta yang menyimpan ribuan jerawat dibawah kulitnya.


Ini membuat sadar dan bersyukur bahwa gue beruntung. Gue sangat beruntung. Walaupun orang tua gue bukan Presiden atau Pengusaha kaya yang punya pulau 3 biji segede Bali, nggak punya Limosine yang panjangnya bikin macet Anyer-Panarukan, handphone yang bisa ngejebol firewall CIA, FBI sampai Densus 88 sangking canggihnya, walaupun rumah yang gue punya nggak selebar Parkir Timur Senayan... Kalau gue memalingkan wajah gue lagi ke mereka, gue beruntung.
Kita.. Yang kehidupannya nggak seperti mereka, sangat beruntung.