Who wants to have an absurd life?
Nobody else would want to have it. A life where you don't have anything. A life where you keep thrown by shit on your face over over over and over again. Where lie is everywhere beside you. And then you doubt about yourself, was it real or you're just a robot some Japan company built.
There's a lot things happening inside my so-called brain. Lots of crazy things, silly things, massive things that sometimes I feel like i can't handle it.
What's your purpose on living, guys?
do you really know?
Why you wandering around earth? Why you doing whatever you're doing now? What do you do with clothes you wore? Why you love your lover now? Why now you're single? Why you being friend with them? Why this? Why that? Can't you figure out all of those things? There's plenty of such simple question that can't be simply answered.
I can't figure out yet what my purpose on life. Neither to figure person to company me where I could share what's inside me a layer to a layer to a layer of me. Since I saw several people are utter bullshit. I don't think like I can be with someone else right now. They're just not enough. They're not showing me something that impress me. (see, the ego side from me speaking.)
So instead of keep looking and sometimes missing someone that just broke up with me. I decided to bring the best out of me first, so I deserve to have the best out of someone. Fixing the bad habit.
I'm 20. But world wants me to follow their rule or else I'll being kicked out from normal society.
But I'm not obedient lady even since I was a little girl, so, I might gonna cheated it. I'm just gonna be who I am or at least I think I am. But still throw out the bad things.
I'm stubborn. Stupid. Ignorant. Lack of emphaty. and have a HUGE EGO. people told me that.
I'm not giving a fuck for what people told me. But if it comes to my attitude for living, I have to pay attention. It's quite serious matter, because if I lack of attitude and no one told me, then I'm the wrong horse! And I don't want that happen. But then again, an alteration can't happen instantly, it took so long. Not days but months, or even years.
We're all lack of attitude. No body is perfect. NO BODY. NO ONE. NO THING. NO CREATURE.
So let's we all think that we're equal at some point. Not too less. Not too more. We're all lack of attitudes in our own way!
To envisage things above... Made me thirsty.
I want to drink, something real. Something that I couldn't doubt and questioning the existance.
Sane me. Or insane me? I don't know. I don't feel like I'm the person I used to know. I change.
There is a lot of change in me. Like, right now, there's nothing, repeat, no every single thing that makes me captivated and excited. I feel like the excitement it self only a myth inside me. They once live. But now maybe the'ye migrated to moon.
My whole life is a bull.. shit, crap, fuck. Yeah whatever you called. But don't count me out just yet. I'm not giving up either to giving in. I'm not gonna give anything to anyone.
I plan something that I think is real. To take one ticket to somewhere but here, and isn't comeback for awhile.
I do, realize that this plan would become a "Massive Recover" or "Massive Disaster" if i'm not think about all the mutual impact that may happen if i go. What's the "Lose some" and "Get some". What if the "Lose Some" is more than "Get Some"?
I'm gonna live there alone. I'm gonna miss my friends here. I'm gonna miss silly stuff here. But there's nothing else for me to stay. There's no important reason for me to not going anywhere. My family, important. My best friends also. But the important matter of my life? I don't have one here.
People would...
Na ah, now I don't care what people say. I live my life, not them. They judge me? They haven't try walking on my shoes, on my path, on my dusty road. Therefore I'm trying so hard to never judge someone, because we through different things in life. We have our own lesson from our problem, and grown to be more wise from it.
I'm running. No maybe the correct phrase is,"I go to other side, to seek something missing inside me. Something that has gone not so long time ago. Now I would looking for it before its gone too far and I lost it."
What's the it?
My trust.
What's the it?
To be sure that there's something worth on my life.
What's the it?
You.
What's the it? Seriously.
Me.
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